In Step 1 of the Conquer Kit (I am using this book by Natalie MacNeil to build my business from the ground up) there is a section on “Slaying your Dragons.”
Natalie is referring to the internal messaging that is not helpful to your goals, or your business. These internal messages are extremely limiting.
It’s quite scary and intimidating to open up in this post. It’s a deep one. In fact, it’s a dragon that needs slaying. So here we go, I’m going to open right up here and talk to you about mine. The moments of self-doubt that I have.
I present to you, my dragons – my inner, limiting beliefs:
Holy shit there is just SO MUCH INFORMATION. How do I build the website? How do I start a sole proprietorship! I need more coaching material! I need to learn ads and facebook marketing.
I’m too far out of my training, maybe my coaching is getting rusty, I need to re-learn it all before I get started! I have to be an expert right off the bat.
I have a Facebook page / group / community called the Great Maternity Leave because I want to disrupt maternity leave and encourage women to retain their identity an work toward personal growth and self-fulfilment while on maternity leave. But the online community of mothers can be a nasty place, with a lot of hate for those who step outside of the mould. I am scared to be hurt in the moments where I totally open up and let myself be vulnerable- It frightens me that I am going to be the woman who adds a different voice that says “maternity leave totally doesn’t have to be negative, scary, challenging.” I know there are going to be haters. I’m going to disrupt many things that are accepted.
And here is my BIG dragon. It lives in a deep, dark cave. It is an insidious, dangerous dragon that doesn’t come out of its cave often, but I know it is always there, lurking in the background.
“You don’t deserve to be coaching people. Who are you to stand on a pedestal. You are so full of yourself! People don’t like brags. People will get so sick of you, so quickly. Only people with massive egos build a facebook page and website about themselves!”
That’s a nasty little dragon, isn’t it? It doesn’t even make sense to me. I am confident, and happy and never really that mean to myself. That dragon doesn’t come out often, but I know it is lurking there.
The Conquer Kit gives some guidance into slaying those dragons by exploring deeply where they came from.
I sat down and did some deep thinking about this, in the corner of a coffee shop. This dragon stays well hidden in his dark cave but he’s still there. So I need to address him.
I pulled out my coaching skills and powerful questions, and applied them to myself (yes, the Coach is coaching the Coach!)
How long have you been around, when do I first remember hearing your voice? How do you make me feel?
When do you come out of your cave? How do you affect me?
And if you were to come out of your cave fully, how would that impact my business and goals in 2016?
This dragon that I have – he comes from time far in my past. He comes from my childhood. I was raised by one parent who was an unbelievable kick-ass human being but also for the first part of my life, a parent (no longer involved in my life) who was a narcissist.
My time with this parent was a strange combination of being put on a pedestal and shown off to others, and pushed had to achieve, but seemingly just as quickly, cut down to size and being told I was not intelligent and not worth being heard and that my thoughts and opinions were a waste of other peoples’ time. Especially if I was successful at something.
It feels pretty dark getting down into that cave and talking with the dragon.
So how does one go about slaying a dragon?
I am a very visual person and make a lot of use of visual examples, so bear me out. I think of starving this dragon in his cave, neglecting him but also rolling rocks across the entrance. I’m great at neglect; I simply disregard these thoughts as ridiculous. But some active work needs to be done to shore up the entrance.
Both the Conquer Kit and many other coaches advise that you begin to destroy a limiting belief by adopting the opposite belief repeatedly.
Each time you repeat the opposite belief, you are rolling one giant rock across the cave entrance.
“You SO deserve to be coaching people. You are humble and just want to give back to people through service and being of use. You have incredible and in many instances, unusual life experiences and creative ways of thinking that will help people. Your information and ideas are refreshing – if you are just yourself, people will like you for who you are and what you have to offer!”
There we go. That is one GIANT rock I just rolled across the dragon’s cave.