Sometimes the male voice can be drowned out in the cacophony of female noise & voices, but the beauty of stopping & observing our partners, is that they often offer an uncomplicated perspective, beautiful in its simplicity.
This has been a major 2nd maternity leave project for me.
I started looking at my husband curiously across my coffee cup in the morning, and began observing his mindset and perspectives, particularly in the realm of self-care.
I’ve written about learning from my brilliant husband when it comes to execution of self care in the gym. Today I’m offering something else I have learnt. It may not be easy to read. These are harsh truths & a lesson I have to apply everyday.
Let’s say your husband has come back from an evening hanging out with the guys after a long day at work, or perhaps he is competing in a hockey tournament. Either one is hard mental and / or physical work. With that comes hunger, and with being a parent there comes the desire for social time to oneself. I couldn’t ever imagine my husband not ordering a meal and a few enjoyable drinks, and embracing this opportunity.
Now watch yourself when you read this. Are you quickly feeling resentment? Because you shouldn’t . He’s taking care of himself & recharging. Your feelings are not about him. They are about you. When we judge someone, it says more about us than them.
If you are catching yourself… Then the next few paragraphs are important for you to read. Resentment sucks but it is a silver loning. It’s a reminder for you to shape up on self care.
It’s not what he is doing. It’s what you are doing. And your husband should be an inspiration, not source of resentment.
Often, I catch myself denying those very pleasures. “Oh I shouldn’t get that lunch, I should be watching the budget.” “Nah, I don’t need those drinks.” “No, I don’t really need to go out tonight.”
Then, I thought… Wait a minute.
The time I have been given to go out and enjoy myself, by my family, is a gift.
Someone is giving a few hours of their time for me to enjoy being me. I am wasting it by not letting myself relax and fully immerse into the experience.
Holding back with a mind on the kids, or the budget, or what time one should be out, all the “shoulds” – that is essentially wasting the gift you have been given by someone else. It is their time they have lent you. Don’t waste it.
So jump in & enjoy!
Doing this will also negate the dangerous little beast that is resentment.
And of course, if you take it from your husband’s perspective it can be humorous.
I could NOT see my husband saying “no guys, sorry, I shouldn’t. I’m going to pick at this small affordable appetizer and sip water instead.” WHAT? NO!
Now I’m looking at you, hard working new mama. Your days are busy. You’re probably super hungry, have not had an excellent meal in days, have abstained from wine for 9 months, and have been immersed in duty.
Your husband thinks he deserves it.
You should think you deserve it, too!
Start advocating for you. And when the opportunities arise, take them.
In fact, I think your husband will be so pleased for you, that you are getting out there & doing something for you.
(As I write this I am treating myself to lunch in my favourite cafe.)