How to Have a Great Maternity Leave – Listen to Podcasts (Like Tim Ferriss and Tony Robbins)

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As usual, listening to the Tim Ferris podcast this morning blew my mind wide open.  Sure, it could have been the bulletproof coffee too, but the combination of the two are magical on a morning commute.  Especially when he has Tony Robbins on.

Like me, Tony Robbins is a life coach, albeit a very experienced and world famous one. 🙂

If you haven’t heard his work, maybe check out his TED talk, “Why We Do What We Do” with more than seventeen million views (!)

Early in the podcast, Tony asks Tim an important question.

Usually I just sit and listen to the podcast, but the moment he asked this question,

I was off in another world, contemplating my 34 years of life up to that point.

I love it when Tim Ferris is stumped on his own podcast =)  There was some serious contemplative silence on the podcast.

(insert suspenseful silence here.)

When I work with a client and they don’t answer, are stumped or say “I don’t know” it is so exciting. In coaching this is gold.  

One of the main goals of a professional coach is to help the client dig deeper, discover and become aware of things they were previously unaware of.  It’s like walking into a dark cave, but this time, you have a flashlight, and as you shine it into the dark, you see pictographs on the wall, stalactites and stalagmites, perhaps the sparkle of some crystal formations.

All of a sudden the story of the cave, and everything about the cave has changed.  Your perception of the cave and your expectations of it have totally changed.  And now, your experience and actions inside the cave are going to change.  Instead of afraid at the entrance, you are immersed in exploration and wonder at the natural world.  Because of a flashlight.

Life is a bit like this, too.  These are “ah hah” moments which are precipitated by powerful questions.  Which is why Tony is so good at what he does.

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Rock formation inside the cave Magura near, Belogradchik, Bulgaria – Image from Colourbox

 

A coach like Tony Robbins shows you how to pick up the flashlight and switch it on, and as you explore the cave, and undergo discovery, adventure, and reassessment of everything you thought you knew, the coach is there, at your back.

 

So back to the podcast…

What was the question that stumped Tim Ferriss?

Tony asked “whose love did you crave growing up

 I thought about this in my own life.  As should you.

My Mum was love itself.  I don’t remember craving it from her, but like Tim, I do remember craving love from my dad.

 

Next, Tony asked this gem.

 “Who did you have to be for your parent, to have his respect/love.” 

“gut reaction, no filter…”

 

This takes a while to answer because it is deep in our subconscious.  We’ve never consciously thought about it.  Ah hah.  Here’s a dark cave.  And Tony’s question is the flashlight that has just been handed to you to shine into that dark abyss.

I don’t mind sharing my personal  life here, if it helps you examine your own questions.  And I admire Tim for going there with Tony live, on a podcast.

In my interpretation, I had to be brilliant, intellectually of high calibre, and also athletic, to  have my dad’s respect / love.  

I think back to childhood, I remember the pride and recognition I received from my dad on my first black diamond ski run, his frustration at my slower learning curve, disappointment when I was cut from teams in my teens or when I cried on said ski runs.  The hard pushes beyond my comfort zones in athletic activities,  and his focus on learning, pushing higher, doing better in mathematics, homework and study time, bring home good grades, the hours spent at the dining room table trying to grasp math and counting coins.  Lots of pushing.  hard.  To be extraordinarily talented was to be loved.

He wasn’t around much from the age of 11 onward, but I do remember all of those phone conversations, the first thing I’d bring up was sports and academics, in a bid for his love and attention, which with an absent father, was so craved.

What about you?  Think about what you needed to be for the parent whose love you craved?

Then Tony asked, what about your other parent?   What did you have to be?

Tim, like myself, felt like he didn’t need to be anything with his Mum.  He could just be himself and she embraced and encouraged it.  Same boat with me. The love was there, unconditional, no strings attached, but most importantly, my mum rolled with who I was and encouraged it.

 

Why do these questions matter so much now that we are parents? 

Because we are in the journey of learning about and thinking about the love we express to our children, and how to nurture and encourage them. These questions make us realize that we carry things with us forward into the present day, that were established long ago in the past.  We have the power to become of aware of them, and change them if they do not serve us.

Until 2010 I unconsciously struggled with the impact that my father left on me.  Hard driving, hard pushing to achieve, and show him I am smart. I can do this. A masters degree, no doubt completed in part as one final attempt to get some love and acceptance which I so craved from him (we have an estranged relationship.)   Now I can just accept that pushing myself so hard in grad studies and the difficult journey in 2007-2010 was in part, due to this dynamic in early childhood. I was able to let this go after 2010 through a heck of a lot of self reflection and exploration, but Tony beautifully encapsulated and explained it today and finally gave me a better framework with which to understand the process.  He also made me much more mindful of what I want to do with my own children, and the importance of unconditional love and celebration, and encouragement of who they are instead of who I would love for them to be.

I’m going to guess there’s at least a few people, like me, who are winging this parenting thing and learning as they go, and what a beautiful lesson this morning that I stumbled on by chance as I drove to work.

We go through this world carrying a master assessment.  Our interpretation of our life.  Our story.  It’s like a filter through which everything, every event and situation, flows.  Even our parenting decisions.

To be a great parent, is to know ourselves, and be aware of that which was previously automatic, unconscious.  So that we can make the decision to either continue, or upgrade.

Aside from googling random shit on parenting, poops, and feeding, we can ask ourselves:

Where do our master stories begin? Where do we start to craft our view of the world? What influenced it?

The earliest place is in the home and in our earliest interpretations of love and recognition from our parents.

You are born a blank slate (though my spiritual beliefs include the journey of the soul through various lives) – I like Tony’s words:  “You are born wide open.”

A beautiful, wide open human, open to experiences and learning.  There is no filter yet. Babies and children are simple, pure human beings, operating with pure emotion and authenticity, from day one. Their world is their family and the love surrounding them.

I see this every day in my professional work coaching students.  They walk into my office with a proverbial suitcase rolling behind them.  Before I even work with them on study skills, as a coach I work to unpack and understand the master story they walk in with.

 

Just like the body learning motor patterning (like learning to catch a ball,) we begin emotional patterning. We see and interpret things, craft a master story and then walk with it the rest of our lives. Sometimes it serves us well, sometimes it no longer serves us and we desire change.

I love this idea.  It is beautiful.  

It’s not even an idea, I’d say it is a truth.  

As we think about how we express our love to our children (when, where and how)

we can begin to think about the imprinting that is going on.  What are we passing on? How are we modelling love to them.

It’s such a tricky balance between passing on great morals, values and shaping them into good people, but also embracing and encouraging who they are.  Allowing them to be them selves and the best version of themselves.   That’s why parenting is so diverse!

Ask yourself the questions above.

I’ve said from day one that maternity leave, and parenthood cracks you wide open and you are in a state of deep learning.  There is no more powerful time in your life to explore, understand and reconfigure.

Which brings me to close this long form blog post.

With your child, are you working to model them, or are you working to embrace and let them go with who they are?  It’s a fine balance between passing on great values, morals and shaping them into good people, but also embracing who they are and providing a font of unconditional love.

Freeing Yourself From Other Moms’ Judgements

 

What you’ll learn in this article: Learn the three reasons people are so judgemental.  Why moms can be so intense.  A powerful perspective to help release the power of others’ opinions, and a technique you can use every time someone (unhelpfully) lets you know what they think without you giving them permission.  Oh, and a short blurb on how to politely decline “feedback” from someone.

Let’s Get Started!

Today on the Great Maternity Leave I wanted to offer some life coaching that I do with clients.  But more importantly, this was an important area for development for myself as I went through my own coach training & personal transformation during my first maternity leave.

This post today is about helping you break free from giving other people power over you.  It is about breaking free from the powerful pressures of conformity.  It is not letting your voice or your unique style be shut down.  It is about no longer being afraid to strike out on your own path and to respectfully decline to take in another person’s judgement.

 

THIS IS WHAT DAY TO DAY LIFE IS LIKE

 

You are walking along a path.  Along the path, hundreds of people are standing, giving you their opinions of where you should step on the path, how you should do it, how far you should travel, what you should be afraid of, what might happen, what might go wrong, their own advice, what you should wear, trying to give you goods to carry, saddling you with extra baggage.  etc. etc.

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There are two options.  You could smile politely at them and ignore them, continue walking, enjoying your path, light and unburdened.  Or you could keep stopping, and letting those people load your arms up with more stuff, load your mind up with their fears, their doubts, and take on their opinions.

In the process, you lose track of what path you were on, become confused, and start doubting your journey.  Eventually you can’t even remember the destination.  You are going around in circles, surrounded by people trying to have their voice heard.  I’d imagine it’s like being a celebrity in a media scrum on the red carpet.  Hey! You!  Listen to me! NO! ME!  Turn this way!

 

When it comes to us in this motherhood journey, THIS happens.

SO MUCH.

 

When we open ourselves up to others, we inevitably open ourselves up to (their) opinions and judgements.

I also believe that opinions are so intense on the motherhood journey because (most) of them come from a place of love, and moms are very passionate about children and babies.   Vereeeee passionate.

But really, this post deals with any type of judgement.

 

THE 3 REASONS PEOPLE ARE JUDGY:

1.)  Because some people think that “communication” and “conversation” means giving and receiving advice rather than just listening and only offering advice if it is asked for.

2.) Many people spend their entire day in a state of judgement, assessing what others are doing, talking about others. It becomes a habitual way of thinking, perhaps started in early age.  It becomes a sport for these people.

3.)  If a person does not have growth, aspirations, and excitement in their own lives, they focus on what is going on in others’ lives.

Think about playing in the park with your child.  If you are busy running around the equipment, engaged with them, you have no time or interest for judging.  Your focus is in the present moment.

But the person sitting on the bench watching what you are doing is not engaged and busy.  Their focus is turned outward to what other people are doing.

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**But we have ALL been there, sitting on the bench, quietly watching another parent playing with their child and silently coming up with judgements.  We are not perfect.  It is an active effort and commitment not to live in that place.

 

MY GOAL WITH THIS POST TODAY:

With a baby, we are asking for advice and discussing parenthood quite frequently, so the doors are wide open. And I am sure you will agree that the judgements come rolling in, whether you gave permission or not.  

 

I want to help you become confident and strong in the face of those judgements that come in via words, the grapevine, a comment on your facebook or a “look ” you get at the park.  I’ll discuss some perspectives that help + some strategies.

 

The Chef in the Kitchen Example.

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You are your own best expert.  You have spent 24/7 around your child.  You know every nuance of their behaviour and know their soul. You created and housed their body.  You instinctively and intellectually know their needs. When somebody gives you unwelcome advice or judgements, think of it this way:

It is like they are at a restaurant, then walk into the kitchen and tell the chef how to make his or her own meals.  That sounds crazy doesn’t it?

So does adopting another person’s views of how you should be a mother / wife / woman.

 

We Have Been Trained to Dispense & Accept Judgements Since a Young Age

In school, we (ideally) develop critical thought and hone in on our ability to choose from multiple sources of information, assess each one for evidence & applicability, and then select the information that sits with us best.

Choose. Assess. Select.

We are doing this fairly competently by our 20s.  Especially if we are in post-secondary education.

So why aren’t we able to do this with people’s unhelpful judgements?  Why do we keep taking it personally?   

They hold a lot of power over us, because from an early age we were trained to care what people thought of us.  We were told what to be, how to act, who to be, how to talk, how to think, even sometimes what degree we should pursue. We were trained to depend on other peoples’ judgements of us.  If you did what people wanted you to do, you were good.

If you did not do what people wanted you to do, you were bad.

It takes a long time to unravel that thinking pattern and it is a constant process.  

You will always have to work at it.  But here are some tools that will help.  

 

 

THE BOOK-UNDER-THE-ARM TECHNIQUE:

Imagine that everybody is walking with a thick book under their arm at ALL times.  Seriously, for the rest of the day, I want you to imagine that book is right there, under each person’s arms.

And when they begin to talk to you, they pull that book out from under their arm and turn to a chapter and begin referencing it.  Let your minds’ eye see them doing that.

Wtf, Carina. 

Let me explain now:

Imagine your child is totally melting down and they just offered their (rather unhelpful) opinion on the situation and your parenting.

When that person begins to offer their “opinion” or “judgement” what they are doing, is opening their own life book and referencing their own chapter on that topic.

How did they write their own chapter on a child having a tantrum & what to do:

-The unique family & family culture that they grew up within.

-The unique decade, year, sociopolitical situation, geographical location, country they grew up within.

-The unique culture that they come from.

-How they saw others in their generation dealing with tantrums.

-How they remember being dealt with during a tantrum.

-Their educational background (degree, school system.)

-The unique view of gender roles that they have (by family, culture, etc.)

-The parenting methods that were popular at their time + the few books out of the 100s out there that they happened to read.

 

Wow.  You are different from them on every single one of these points, right?  

Here’s an image to nail this point home.

 

 

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This lady comes from a totally unique, different reference point and perspective from you.

So why would you want to follow HER chapter in HER book? Why would you let her have so much power over you?  Even if she is a friend or a family member?

 

You’ve already got your own book to reference and it applies to your life much better than someone else’s book.

 

Remember, it is up to you to give permission to someone to make their judgement. They cannot offer it if you do not give them permission.

“Thanks ,but I’ve got a system that is working great for me right now, let’s chat about something else.” 

And if it comes out of them before you can stop it, just let it wash over you with the above techniques and perspectives.

 

xo

 

Carina

 

 

 

Great Maternity Leave Coaching: How to ASK and GET what you NEED from your Partner.

Why read this?  I teach you how to ask for what you need with power and confidence. I teach you how to avoid the slippery slope of resentment during your maternity leave.

Reading time:  5 minutes

I went into labour with my firstborn at 11pm.  After a long hard labour, she was born at 6pm the next evening.  That night, I was with her in my hospital room, EXHAUSTED and overwhelmed (my husband couldn’t stay overnight.)  I was so hooped on fatigue and so busy with visitors the next day, I stayed a second night and again, not an ounce of sleep.  Until a kindly nurse offered to take her to the nursery at 3am so I could get four hours.

72 hours without sleep fucks anybody up. AND labour AND giving birth?  

One of my great passion buttons is this.  The birthing experience is intense.  Women’s recovery should be treated with the same level of sacred respect as the baby itself.  By everyone. Visitors. Partners. Medical staff.

I came home wrecked with exhaustion, overcome with emotion and spent the first 3 months in a haze.  If there is one thing I know, my mental health starts and ends with sleep.  It’s a biggie.

What I did not do, or even have at the time was the power and confidence to ask for what I needed.  Things like: No visitors, at least 2 days of rest, and support during the nights.  Luckily my husband volunteered after seeing what the night was like with our little nocturnal bat, our first night at home and seeing me walk into the door of a local shoppers drug mart (after discharge from hospital we drove around to get set up with a breast pump rental…dumb dumb.)

Many, many mums I either coach or chat with deal with a nasty little presence in their lives.  Resentment is this lurking, gnawing creature that is a mix of anger, and disappointment, and a sense of injustice.

I think this is one of the greatest enemies of women and one of the most important things we have to work on during maternity leave. Remember, I wrote about treating your mental health as a project.   There are mannnny situations we will be in during maternity leave that may produce resentment.  Particularly towards our partner.  It’s not our partners’ fault.

Resentment is purely self-created.  It is the disappointment we are not getting something we need, combined with jealousy that the other person is.  

Today I want to offer you some coaching.  One of the most important skills you must master on maternity leave is how to make requests with power and confidence.  You need to step into your strength and self-respect and clearly outline what you need.

We haven’t been taught how to make powerful requests, so when I was trained in speech acts during my professional coaching, my mind was blown. I had never thought about things this way.

Read on for a way to make requests that will get you a “YES”

 

I’m going to take my #1 need / cause of resentment during my 1st maternity leave and break it down.

SWEETIE, I REALLY NEED TO SLEEP.  

(I WISH CAPS + BOLD CONVEYED THE DESPARATION IN THIS SENTENCE.)

 

 

When we make a request, we are asking for our future to unfold in a different way.  When I make this request, I am afraid that I am not going to get sleep that day, and I need to get it somehow.

 

There are several things that need to happen in a request:

1.) (You) need to be present and asking with intention.

You can’t be avoiding eye contact or looking at your phone or cooking.  You need to put everything down. Make eye contact.  Touch their arm.

 

2.) (Your Partner) needs to be present too.  100% focus.    

You gain your partners’ attention by preceding this with “sweetie, I need your attention for a second here, do you mind just stopping what you are doing.”   Don’t let them do something else, or eat, or fiddle physically with something.  We think it is easier to ask when they are distracted with something they enjoy, right?  That’s a myth we have taken on.

Think about when you usually need something.  What are the ways that in a normal “ask,” both of you are not present/committed?

3.)  To make a damn clear and effective request we have to clearly outline what we need using the background context of what led to this need, and what a condition of satisfaction would be.

When we make a request there is an invisible background.  When I say “I need sleep” there is this movie loop of a screaming baby, my eyes rolling back into my head as I fall asleep rocking, the quiet desparation of lying on the couch, the bolts of terror with every snuffle once the baby wakes up.  There’s some intense shit behind a request when you are on mat leave, because we often wait until we’re about to go bonkers.

“Sweetie I need sleep” RRROOOOAAAARRRR

becomes

“Sweetie, I am physically, mentally and emotionally shattered after 6 hours sleep in three days. I’m starting to make big mistakes in my driving, in my daily activities that concern me.  I need to get some sleep in so that I can get a better grip on my emotions and get through tonight’s shift with the baby.  I need you to go out for a bit with the baby so I can fall asleep for at least 30 minutes without waking to their sounds.”

 

We need to provide the details and outline what a sleep means to us.  Because our definition of sleep is a fucked up one on mat leave.  It’s anything we can get = super appreciated.   Meanwhile, my partners’ definition of sleep is probably 3-4 hours.

 

Why don’t we provide details when we make requests.  Why don’t we outline what “AAAARGH I JUST NEED TO BE ON MY OWN!” means?

-We always assume they know what we mean.

But is that a fair assumption?  Have they had the chance to reach a level of desire for alone time? Have they been alone in the house all day with a baby clinging to their bodies?  No.  It is hard for your partner to imagine, so you must outline clearly.

When you ask a waiter for water – you mean tap water.  The waiter has a different background of knowledge.   Water could mean carbonated, non carbonated, tap or mineral.  You have to be clear and never assume they know what you mean.

Or my own case, my partner probably had no idea how fucked up I was on 72 hours of no sleep because he hasn’t experienced that.

I am giving you in this article the permission, the encouragement and the AUTHORITY to request what you need with power.

 

4.)  Think about what emotional place you make your request from.

If you walk into the room, anger crackling off of your body, or tears building behind the eyes, it instantly puts you in a disempowered situation.  The receiver is going to instantly go on the defense, or be uncomfortable.  The asker is going to compromise their request because emotion may take over.

Reset yourself.  Walk into the request from a feeling of power and confidence and self respect.  Not anger and resentment. It takes the wind out of your sales.  Not only in your voice and the way you word things, but also in your physical presence, the vibe you are giving off and your posture.   Nobody got what they wanted by asking from a defeated, curled up position.

I love this quote by the Chalmers Brothers “The right conversation in the wrong mood is the wrong conversation.” 

 

5.)  Follow up.  In order to help our partners support us better and take our requests seriously, we must express gratitude, explain to them how their honouring your request helped you and them.  You must be sincere and display that we did something with the gift we were given.

After every sleep I go up and give my partner a huge huge and explain a few ways I’ll be better able to cope.  🙂

 

Please take this article and deconstruct a request you need to make.  Or perhaps, the requests you make that have led to no follow through and have created a situation of resentment toward your partner.  

The Great Maternity Leave Essays: How to Become Deeply Inspired and Motivated

Why you should read this: I share with you an extremely important practice that the most productive, fulfilled and “switched on” people use. I use the analogy of a childrens’ toy you all know and love. This essay will inspire you to curate your social media, filter incoming information and engage in the pursuit of inspiring, motivational growth.

Reading time: 4 minutes.

Sometimes when I create images and typography to use as my featured image, it’s frustrating, because it’s IMPOSSIBLE to convey a lifetime of learning into one picture and a title, so my deepest hope is that somehow, some part of this essay today resonates with you.

 

Become Your Own Gatekeeper

There are thousands of social media platforms + people + organizations scrabbling for our attention.

If you think about it, you scroll through your Facebook news feed.  You whip down through all of the status updates, photos, sponsored links at a fast speed.  Imagine if we had commercials going at the same speed as we have scrolling on facebook going?  It would be madness. I would probably not be able to handle TV, period.  But when we scroll through social media it’s coming at us hard and fast. BOOM BOOM BOOM.  LISTEN TO ME! LISTEN TO ME! LISTEN TO ME! (coming at you from all corners.)

I’ll write sometime my thoughts about this fascinating “speed” of incoming information, but what I want to focus on is the volume and sources of information.

I am constantly talking about how precious and valuable your time is on maternity leave, because the structure of your free time has shifted and morphed.

Your time is now worth thousands of dollars an hour.  Advertisers know it.

When you casually sit down, pull out your phone and go on to social media, you hae just given air time to all of those posts, people, things competing for your attention.

Rather than being a passive recipient of information, we should become active curators.

Two months ago I sat down and thought about the messages, information, photos and people who line up with the goals I currently have, and the vision I have for my life.

Then, I spent about 2 hours unfollowing on facebook, instagram and twitter.  Then, I spent an hour specifically curating my feeds so that the only inflow on social media were things that support, inspire or motivate me to achieve my goals and mission.  Unrelated feeds, “distractors” went out of the window.  Any source of information that was unhelpful (or in some cases, even harmful, was gone.  ESPECIALLY those zillions of accounts out there that use fear & warnings to get you to click on their articles.  Parenting magazines, social media accounts know that fear is easy bait for a parent and they can hook you.)

Find Blogs, Podcasts, Pinterest Posts, Quotes, Tweets, Instagrams that inspire you.

Your job is to become a curator of inspiration.

Where many people go wrong, is they do it one or twice, make a pinterest board, save some quotes, and occasionally remember to find things that inspire them.

What the “greats” do is listen, view or read something EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.

They also do it first thing in the morning, to set their energy levels for the day.

 

So Why Do you Have a Childrens’ Toy on Your Featured Image?

Because it’s a constant effort and a constant hunt for inspiration. There are so, so many great voices and accounts out there. And the true reward is in the hunt. Each podcast that you find, website that you enjoy following, influencer that you like will boost you up a little bit more.

But you have to find the right fit for you.

When famed author & motivational speaker // influencer Wayne Dyer passed away, his family & estate made his entire library of works available online for a vastly reduced price. Last year, I downloaded his entire collection of books onto my kindle to read, while I was feeding my baby at night (this is a daily practice for me.)

I had heard about him constantly as I was finishing my professional ontological coach training.  He made wonderful points, but his writing style and language just didn’t land with me.   I was trying to fit a triangle toy into a square hole, just like the image on this post.

So I kept searching. I looked at what other people read on Amazon, read reviews and spent some money “investing in myself.”  I hold the view that for the price of a latte, I may find a book that change my life and the way I think.

A few months later I came across the works of Brian Tracy.  I had first been exposed to him while working at Lululemon as an Educator (one of the.best.jobs.of.my.life.)  but at that time I just wasn’t ready for his philosophies and advice.
Curious, I downloaded his book on Self-Confidence.

WHAM.

 

The book had a profound impact on me.  Every page, every section I thought “Yes!  Yes!  I agree!  I do this!” – it was incredibly validating and educational.  It nailed home practices that I thought were unimportant and it motivated me even more to make them daily habits.

In my enthusiasm, I raved about Brian Tracy and his book to a few people I knew.  I was very suprised that they weren’t as enthusiastic about Brian Tracy as they were about Wayne Dyer.

I realized I had just fit a square, into my square hole, but they were holding triangles.

We all have different shaped toys & different shaped holes to fit them into.  Keep searching.  Keep reading.  Keep trying out different philosophies and thinkers and inspiring people out.  For every 5 shapes that don’t fit, one is going to fit perfectly and profoundly influence you.

Think about someone or something that shifted the way you see your world.  Shifted the way you act, the way you think.  Remember how powerful that moment was? When it was almost like you could hear an audible “click” as your universe shifted + made sense in a new way?

Imagine having that happen every month while on maternity leave.

Your brain is currently in a gorgeous state of growth & activity.  New neural connections and pathways are being formed every single day.

It is like a sponge, learning and absorbing new information as you learn about this little human being, as you learn about your new role.

Right now, all sorts of new slots are appearing on your little toy box – so go out there and start collecting shapes, and start trying to fit them in the holes.  Soon you will have a beautiful toy, with colourful shapes fitting into each slot.

You know the look on your childs’ face when they finally fit a shape into a hole?  That look of knowledge and accomplishment and excitement?  

 

That is exactly, EXACTLY what you will experience.

 

Knowledge & inspiration are amazing “toys” to play with.  They will never wear out.  They will never become boring.  They become a permanent part of you.  You can share those toys – but nobody can ever take them away from you. 

The Great Maternity Leave Project: Building a Business + Managing Technical Overwhelm

Why read this article:  Learn how to manage the overwhelm of starting a new business (especially the technical parts of establishing an online presence) + receive a professional coaching guide to manage the frustration of being a newbie all over again.

Reading time:  3 minutes + 3 minutes for the guide.

 

Today I’m going to talk about the sheer overwhelm that hits in the early days of building a web presence for your business.

In the hour before my kiddos were up, I tackled several things

-How to change the green social link buttons on my wordpress
-How to delete strange menu items that appeared

Try out a Facebook ad campaign not approved because “shit” was in my typing lol
-Why copy and pasting Facebook html code into my post wasn’t showing up
What SEO means
-A brief look at the google analytics tool and mega confusion over needing to upload an html file to my directory (WTF are either of those?!)

If you are starting a business and are creating a website or a blog, you are quickly introduced to the overwhelm of an industry that has its own language and technical terms.

Reading the help forums can feel like reading an instruction manual in japanese. Before you even get to the resolution stage, you are busy googling what every.single.word.means in the advice you get.

I’m going to show you some screen shots this morning, and my WTF moments.

Screen Shot 2016-02-18 at 8.46.20 AM

No problem.  I’ll click download.

Whoa.

WTF. How do I even upload an html file?

Oh.  The advice forum says I need to add it to my public directory

**Googles what a public directory is.***

-20 minutes.

 

Then…..

Screen Shot 2016-02-18 at 8.46.08 AM

Oh, sweet, adding an fb button looks easy (laughing out loud.)

-15 minutes to realize all of this shit is automatically built into WordPress for people like me.  Then opened the guide to figure out the “easy sharing feature”

-25 minutes 

 

OK so at that point I was down one hand because of this little creature smacking at the screen…..

Photo on 2016-02-18 at 8.24 AM

(Yes I’m wearing a housecoat.  Not glam blogger fashion.  I’m on mat leave.  Let’s be honest here.  I shall always blog with my coffee + white Lord & Taylor housecoat.)

 

So now we are one finger typing.  I’m on coffee #3 and getting aggravated, and my mind is racing.

This is when having professional ontological coach training comes in really handy.  I have to coach myself.  And you know what? I WISH I had someone during my 1st mat leave to write posts like this and talk to me like this.  To say “hey Carina, I’m in the same boat as you!”

That is why I started the Great Maternity Leave.

The reality is that there IS a steep learning curve, there IS lots of frustration, and there IS a TON of overwhelm in building an online business. 

I want you to have this coaching guide to managing the overwhelm.

Keep it + come back to it.  

 

x

 

Carina